Life's a cycle.

U do it. U stop doing it. U miss it. U try again. Procrastinate. It died. U miss it again. Then, in the end u find the courage to go through the battle all over again.

Thats my relationship with a blog.

God bless Kathleen Tessaro for writing Innocence.

I love writing. I to read what I write. I have a habit of re-reading my outbox again and again instead of reading the messages sent in. When i'm texting people with great interest, its not what their reply i'm looking for, but mine. I do realize that i stopped writing for awhile. I stopped writing in the old blog, and the hundred other blogs. I want my thoughts to be noticed, but i find discomfort in people reading them. I dont want to be analyzed. I dont want to be judged against just because i feel a certain way, or have different perceptions.

Then u will tell me to just go write in a fucking book instead of publishing my thoughts in an online journal, because sooner or later someone's going to read it anyway. But then this little hypocrite of not wanting her thoughts to be read is too fucking lazy to write in a book. Especially the ones with no lines. Pen runs out of ink. Theres too little space to write anything. Thoughts become more limited. U can't go delete the entire grammatically wrong paragraph. The entire book will be more of scratched lines, doodles, and ugly and tired handwriting.

Again u tell me, i should just write in Microsoft Word for all it matters. Fine, i'll just admit it. I want to write my thoughts in an infinite space provided, without getting tired, i can mess around, be brutally honest on what i write... but not give the url/link out.. just not now. I dont want my slow progress in life to be analyzed.

I just want to freely write. About whatever I want. Not forced to write things because i know readers/friends will expect a constant update. I want to write what matters to me. Not other people.

Also, this Boyd Schidtt blog is also to constantly remind me of my own progress. I'll take small steps to continuously write everyday. So that i have a track on what my life is about. Or atleast where its been. If i have 100 blog entries full of bull, then i can quite get that i need a turn.

So god bless blog spot. And god bless life. Wherever its going.

Dianne.